A Dispatch From the America’s Next Top Model Premiere Party aka ‘The Night I Fell in Love with Tyra Banks’

Yep... that's me in bed with Tyra, Rob, and Kelly. Tyra loves me. See? SEE??

My life consists of exactly two time periods: B.T. and A.T. (Before and After Tyra).

B.T. was a pretty dark time for me. For twenty-five long, wasted years, I thought I didn’t love Tyra Banks. But things are different now: Enter A.T. Last night, I attended a preview screening of America’s Next Top Model‘s season premiere. I met Tyra. She posed for the cameras like she was standing on a rotating pedestal. She told me she liked my “very Brady Bunch in a cute way” dress. She smized at me. She smized at me. More on this later.

For its 19th ‘cycle,’ ANTM has undergone a well-documented makeover, recruiting a brand new cast of characters-Tyra and Kelly Cutrone are the only ones carrying over. Here’s a brief breakdown of all the changes happening this season, and the roles of the new peeps (or so I gathered between bouts of irregular breathing caused by my close proximity to Rob Evans):

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